butterflies

while sitting in a miniature chair

in the play room of my aunts house this evening,

i looked up and watched paper butterflies twirl and twist about.

when i woke up this morning and got ready for work,

my stomach was full of butterflies.

they too, twirled, fluttered, and twisted about.

as i type these words,

my stomach continues to twist and twirl,

butterflies dancing away in my belly.

why??

i'm getting married!

i have never felt anything more strange in my life.

as the last few weeks have come and gone,

although i seemed too busy to think about anything other than

work, school, and homework,

my mind often drifted to the world of past.

{or- more appropriately, passed}

as i reflect on previous years,

i realize that all the things i'd dreamt of and hoped for,

may not be exactly how i'd pictured it.

but while this is true,

it is also true that what has happened is even better.

the feeling i have right now is unexplainable.

i feel nervous, yet peaceful.

i feel scared, yet confident.

i feel unsure, yet immovable.

i feel incapable, yet ready.

i feel overwhelmed, yet comforted.

how is that even possible?

it's very strange to feel all these things at once,

and to wonder,

where will my life go from here?

it seems weird to think about all my years leading up to this point.

they seem unreal and unrealistic,

yet somehow- it all seems perfect.

perfect meaning, everything that is happening

right now is exactly how it's supposed to be.

when people say, "God works in mysterious ways",

i think that's true- but when it always ends up so perfectly,

the word 'mysterious' doesn't seem like the right word.

my life seems surreal,

but all the while familiar.

it all makes sense,

and thankfully so,

as i can expect more of the butterflies to come.

i'm ready.